“You and [your ass], full speed ahead.”

Friday May 15, 2009
Alright fine. I’ve missed two days. I have a raging cold or allergies, not sure which one.
Excuses. I’ve got loads.
SO let’s recap the days I missed.
Wednesday I spent 3 hours in the am in a prop house climbing stairs, moving furniture, lugging it from trucks…QUITE the work out and I happily count that towards a work-out-that-is-not-a-workout. Yay me.
Thursday… wellllll. I spent the day at a friend’s house with babies and carried around a baby. I am not sure that counts in normal people’s lives as a workout, but then again, I don’t believe in normal people. Show me one. And any mother will tell you carrying their babies around is a work out. And-definitely- if my right arm could speak, it would without a doubt say “Hell to the yes- it was a work out!” It helps I love that kid.  I also did loads of laundry and went grocery shopping- hauling bags and baskets up my stairs in numerous trips. Can I get a shout out from all the moms out there?
So really it’s been a good week.  And I’ve discovered why I’m actually thin. I have no time. When you are constantly moving the fat has no time to stick.
Still, none of the things I’ve done this week will give me the athlete’s ass I so desire. The war rages on.
That’s, right, jello-butt, you’re not fooling anyone with your flatness. Flat does not equal awesome. Skinny does not equal powerful. Skinny does not equal healthy.
Skinny does not book me a role as some ass-kicking, kick-ass woman in some action-y show. (neither does being 33 in this town, but I digress).
Skinny only gets me into those ‘skinny jeans” I bought and I can find very little satisfaction in those jeans (and my calves can’t either as they gasp for air).
Once again, I thank my GENES for being good and I thank my JEANS for faking it for me until I can walk around and not feel my butt stop moving AFTER the rest of my body has stopped. Beyonce I am not. I am a white girl. And white girls do not “got back”, if you will.
Ahem. Clearly, skinny does not make you “hip”, either.